My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize