never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
