A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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