Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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