she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
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Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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