i permit you to call me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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