hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
