if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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