so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
