i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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