Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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