I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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