Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
