I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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