i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
MIDGETS
????
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
