I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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