Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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