It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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