I wish I only lived at night.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have tasted many bathrooms
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
