i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
