The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
