i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
