were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
