she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
