So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
