Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
