It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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