tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
