What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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