So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
