i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
