Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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