One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
