two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
