Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
