I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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