Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
