my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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