You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
