I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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