It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize