I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
