I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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