Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
