its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
