I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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