im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
