I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
