At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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