God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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