Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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