i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
