I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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