Only a mothe r could love this liver
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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