I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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