hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Fuck appropriateness.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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