yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
