Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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