I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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