As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
