I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
