I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
