Screwed.edu
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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