Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
