2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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