Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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