Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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