I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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