You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
