Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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