So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
