i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
