I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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